my memories

"Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes...just be an illusion."

Whenever you hear the word LOVE, what is the first thing that comes in your mind? Of course, your "loved-one". And when you fall in love, you start making love poems, hearing love songs, and playing Flames. You may also start saying words such as "destiny has brought us here." or "it's what we call magic." Love can also be magic. If you perform magic, and you get it correctly, your audience will love it. It's just like love. If you got the things composing love correctly, then you've succeeded. But if this magic you perform isn't really magic (if you can't get me, what i'm trying to say is cheating), then it's just nothing. It'll end up the same way your perfomance went: a failure. Love can also be just an illusion. They're just in our minds. But if you believe completely and never doubts it, who knows maybe this magic call TRUE LOVE may crop up into reality.

tags: love, magic

a make-believe reality.

I'm too tired of life. I have gone through all the moments a person would have been. As days pass by, I get bored with this life. It's like tomorrow's a replay of yesterday. Like there's no such word as FUN. No things to be interested. Dull, normal, boring. I'm tired of it. I want a NEW life.

Everyday, all I just did was sleep, eat, take a bath, listen to music, computer, then go back to bed. Maybe there are times that LAKWATSYA is added on my daily doings. A life of a SPOILED BRAT, if you think. You ask me? It's a totally tired-out life. I want to experience a different one. Something unique, something dangerous, something a person couldn't handle. An interesting life, not just that lay-sit-stand living. A life, that gives you a REASON to wake up in the morning. It may not be a perfect life, but at least it was fun, right?

Daydreaming. Wandering off. Picturing a fantasy on my mind. Imagining a moment that is too good to be true. Being lost in thought. That is so, totally me. I dream of everything that I know I can't do in reality. I have such a wide imagination. It was one great treasure for me. A place I call my "OWN". There I can be Cinderella, or Sleeping Beauty if I want to. A singing sensation (which can never be me in real life), a dramatic actress, teen princess, or a worldwide dancer. I can be what I want to be, without criticism. Silly thoughts. I know, I know. A make-believe fantasy can never be turned into reality.

Sometime's fairytale are much more interesting than life, and life are way too boring than fairytales. My life can be quoted as "a story with no excitement", or "A Dreadful Fairytale." Pick one, if you like. Nothing against me, besides, I already know it. Don't be scared, c'mon, choose.

If you asked me what's life for me? Well, here it goes. Ahem. Life isn't about living. It's about having fun. And if you're not having fun with your life, it seems that you never had life at all.

Not having fun with ya life? Welcome to the group.=)

crazy day.

I was too lazy to get out of bed. I wanted to rest the whole day. After all those sleepless nights. I want to take a break. Gawd. School's killing me. Can you imagine? Two Projects, plus Exams, Quizzes, Activities, Pointers, and A Graded Dancetation. What's happening to the planet? Are we attacked by schoolfreaks? Hope not. If that would happen to Earth, I'll swear I'll look for another world to live in.

Hmmm. What did I do the whole day? Review. Review. Review. Actually, it's more of staring at the notebook than reading it. I really don't know what to do. My mind's not there. I can't concentrate. This is not a good day to review. So I decided to make the project instead. I don't want to waste a single minute. In this moment of my life, I can really say that time is gold. I need it more than anything.

If only I have those magical watch in Sana Maulit Muli, or found a magical lamp where there was a genie on it. Can you go get me one? hehe.

My notebooks are everywhere: kitchen, room, and sala. Clumsy, if you think. Yah, I am. I was known for being that. They also call me "kulet". Not quite, really. To those I love lang. hehe.

A total YM lover. I lurve it. Like texting, but just faster. Actually, I'm using it more than I use my C.P.Gawd. Which I remembered, I need to pass the phisci form tomorrow. that's another problem. My life's turning upside down. Uhh.

Tomorrow, Angel will be on ASAP. Love Spell with the Mick-Gee-Bod. Uh uh. I'm looking forward for it. Excited. For a moment it takes away my problems.

I forgot to post on this blog last 16, 17. I was too tired to type something here. All I just did was click, click, click. Ohh. It's 11:45, quarter to 12 am. It's near Aug. 19.

Need to go now. Enough of the books. Makes me dizzy. Sorry, I can't wait for you Laur. So sleepy. ZzzZ.

*mixed emotions.

Oh God. Tomorrow's my Lolo's death anniversary. It's scaring me. I want to hide under the bed. Or a cold blanket will do. I'm frightened. Awhile ago, I thought I saw something on the vacant room. But I was too scared to walk close to it, so I ran away. Heck. Coward much?

I also forgot my Key-to-Geometry and Assignment today. I thought I will be given sad memo. But I didn't receive one. The Key-to-Geometry will be used next week and the Assignment will be passed tomorrow. Lucky me!

And yah. O hail Wency! At last, I have moved on. I'm not thinking of him anymore. Well, we're better off as friends. And I think I have more important priorities than that. One of it was our graded dancetation. I can't think of a music. Left my brain at school. Ohh.

And I had to write questions in a sheet of paper. It's part of our get-to-know-me task (el4 only). But I didn't start up yet. Silly me.

Francis and I had a little fight. He don't want to talk to me. Maybe because of that dictionary. What? That's so petty. Enough of it. This is my last year on MG, and I want it to be memorable. I want to spend every single minute with you guys. I don't want "tampuhans" anymore. Okay?

I'm early tomorrow. I need to sleep now. Sorry if I had to go so early. Promise, I'll make it up tomorrow.

*i like that, i like this!

At last, Francis add me at his YM. Actually, I added him at my YM, and he accepted it. He also gave me comments. Which was the worst comments I had received in my whole life. He's claiming that I had a crush on Kash "daw". Eee. I don't like Kash.  Really! He's just my friend. All my classmates are my friends. Don't believe Francis! He's a LIAR! fraud.

Hay. I had a lot of i-want-to-have's today, including:

• Teddy bears and Stuff toys. I had a bunch of it in my room (many friends gave me stuff toys during special occasions esp. christmas). But I am tired looking at those. I want a new one. I was like, "Mommy, I want one!". Sadly, they don't bought me one. Hmpf. I guess I'll wait for another CHRISTMAS.
• Beach, or any Resorts will do. I want to have a break. School's too hectic. It's like I'm grilled in my own cooking pot. That just got to hurt. Aww.
• Ice Cream. Craving for Vanilla. I can't find one. There was choco, mango, ube, and mocca. No Vanilla. How unlucky. Can you please find me one?
• Songs. Or any noise. I'm bored. I want to sing, to let this terrible voice out. I'm bursting inside. Ahh. I want sounds. My world's too quiet. Help me!
• Pets. I missed my dog that died a few years ago. I remember, when he died, he waited for me first. When I got out of the car (it was also the wake of my lolo so we can't park our car inside our lot 'cause there are a lot of people there), he waited for me at the gate. He lay down there, and I slowly came to him. I thought he's just sleeping or what, but when I got so close to him, I noticed that he's not breathing. It made me cried. The thought of waiting for me before he died really touched my heart. I won't forget that dog. (what's his name again?) hehe.joke.
• A stage. I want to dance. Hiphop, Rock, Slow, Cha-cha, anything! I just want to express my feelings by means of dancing. Come on, dance with me. =)
• Friends. The best things I have in life. I want it to grow enormously. Someone who knows how to deal with me. I want it.
• Love? Nah. I had one. Coming from an important person that I can't live without. Who? Well, me. For this past few days, I had learn to love myself more than I love others. It makes me feel positive. Optimistic. Hope this will continue. Enough of the hurt issues. =)

I want to DANCE badly. aww. But there's no music. I'll looked stupid: dancing with no music. But at least Thursday's coming.yippeee. Sooper excited 'bout the graded "dancetation". hihi.

What? Craving too much? Think so. But I'm also longing for SLEEP. So, I gotta go.

"I was alone, and lonely. Until I met you. We will be friends forever. I promise that to you, Ipod."

*a wonderful life, a stupid person*

Lying down my bed, looking at the clock. Then I have realized that there was water on my face, coming from my eyes. It's what us humans called TEARS, and it just comes out whether you are happy, hurt, or sad. Well, as for me, I cried because I've just realized how time's running fast. It's like months from now, I'll be out there, surviving what real world truly is. And when I'm gone, I wondered, will I be alone? Will someone accept me as ME? Will I survived? Damn shit questions. I'm thinking too much by something I'm not sure of. I hope I can predict the future. A psychic or what. But that can't be. This is not a SUPERHEROine life. A normal one, indeed. Life that was way too boring to get a SMILE trace in this fucking face. A person, that was too dreadful to continue existing in Earth.

At first glance, you'll think I'm all right and enjoying life. Too satisfied, too contented, too gratified, too fulfilled. Heck, I am not. You JUST looked at me. If only you STARED, then you'll see that something was wrong. A missing piece in this PERFECT shot. Something deep, hidden, unseen. You will see how terrible this life is. It's nowhere near perfect. That's okay for me. I am NOT a perfect-wannabe. I make mistakes, I am not a know-it-all, I have an INJURED heart, and not everbody likes me. No reason to look up to me, 'coz I am not above everybody. I, well, simple ME.

The thought of taking a step forward and leaving my friends behind was also one of the reasons why those shit tears had come out. They had been a part of me for a long time. I am not complete, without them. Just imagining how life will be without them was a real torture.Oh God.Help me survive.

I'll miss you:

1. Pat M.- for you had been one of the great friends I had. I'll miss the stories we used to share. Promise. I'll remember it all.
2. Hannah O.- I'll miss you so much. You were always there when I need you, and also when I don't. aww. You made my cry again! huhu.
3. Francis S.- especially those asaran moments. even though, you really make fun of me a lot, and I always complain about it, I will miss those.
4. Kris C.- 'coz your jokes are the BEST! you are really a good comedian. We just got along for a short time but, I consider you one of my best friends.
5. Bea D.- I'll miss you so much. Those laughs, asarans, and secrets. I won't forget it.
6. Mariah C.- cousin! I'll miss the comments. and the drawings. you're "pagkakulit". I'll miss it all.
7. Laureana S.- a real friend. i'll miss you, too.
8. Adrienne A.- Miss you. Sa Grupo kaw lang ung madaling lokohin. I'll miss that.=)
9. Kash G.- Nerd, Tikboy, or whatever people call you. Basta ako, you are added on my "friends list.":)
10. Jessica P.- You just have been a part of the P.M family for quite a while but you will always be a part of our hearts. I'll miss you, too.
11. Kristel V.- Those laughs, and jokes. I'll miss you. And I'll pray na sana wag ka mahulog sa stairs.hehe.
12. AJ R.- go for it always. wag ka patalo sa kanila. Isang daganan lang yan. hehe.
13. Kristine M.- hay. wala na kami aasarin na endacute? hihi. I'll miss it.
14. Miggy C.- even though you always make fun of me, I consider you one of my friends.
15. Franco DP.- we're not close, pero friend kita. even though I am not you're friend. basta P.M, magkakasangga tayo. AJA.
16. Vincent C.- Even though we quarrel a lot. Always here. Need me or not. Just here.

I am always thankful for being part of this family. All of you has a special place in my heart.

Walang limutan. =p Peksman.

f.e.e.l.i.n.g.s

I thought of HIM again. Why don't I get tired thinking of him? I hate this heart, this stupid heart, who keeps loving you again and again. Why does it seems so RIGHT, when it just kills my heart. Why do I love you so bad, while you don't care of me even once in your life? You just caused me PAIN. And it hurts to know that you don't even care. I am an ordinary girl in your eyes. While you, you are everything that I wanted in my whole life.

You didn't called me, email me, nor talk to me. I was expecting you to do that, I was waiting for you to make the move. But I got nothing. I was no one for you. I don't even know if you think I exist. You always make this a JOKE. Well, it isn't. I'm not kidding. It really HURTS.

Well, maybe you're thinking that I'm kinda martyr or what. This is my first time to get hurt so MUCH. And I just want to express all this terrible feelings I'm keeping inside of me. 'Coz if I won't, maybe I'll burst out and die. And I am too young for that.

Every thing i planned for today got lost in my mind. All I just did was wander off, and daydreamed. Played my guitar, and took out my terrible voice. I kinda like red today. I don't know why. But I think it give's more meaning to my day. I'm looking for Spongebob today. Have you seen him? Also, I missed Bodie. I haven't seen him in ASAP. And I was hoping to see him in Love Spell, but I think I missed it. (or is it just move next week 'cos of that Boxing whatever?)

My Yaya and I argued about the new movie: "a love story." She's claiming that Maricel was the wife and Angelica was the mistress. Well, I said she was wrong. I know this, because of this clues:

• "What drives a man to find another woman when he already has the perfect one?" (On my opinion, Angelica's role there was kinda much perfect than Maricel's role. Maricel's role as a doctor, was to boring, while, Angelica, a stewardess [i think], and a PARTY GIRL, was stronger than Maricel's role.
• Maricel's line which was: "ayoko na ng may nasasaktan." and [Aga asking "Mahal Mo ba Ako?", and Maricel replied.] "sobra. kahit alam kong hindi na tama." gave more sense in one's mind, that she is, the mistress.
• Also, with Angelica's conversation with Maricel, which she uttered the lines "tell me what your life's like. Gusto ko lang naman malaman kung bakit hindi ka nya kayang iwanan."

Hmm. What do you think? Wow. I can be an Editorial Writer. joke. I also heard the rumors about an upcoming movie of the tandem Aga-Anne. My opinion, Anne's better in screen with rumored boyfriend Sam Milby. But there's nothing wrong in trying another tandem. Maybe this pair-up will give Anne more success. Right?

I've watched the Boxings today. Haha. Is this me? Well, I just wanted to see another achievement from a Filipino. And yah. They won! I'm upset by what happened the Rey "Boom Boom" Bautista. But that's okay. Be positive=). There will always be NEXT TIME. So, for the next set of Filipino Boxers? Good luck.

And about the Angel thingy. The issues about her, it's below the belt. The sex video, and rumors about her mom? It's her life. It's not part of her work. And them telling her "engrata" and "walang utang na loob"? Why would they tell that to her? She worked for her achievements. There's no reason in telling that to her. It's not fair for her. Tantanan na, ika nga. Even though I am not really an ANGEL fan, I admire her for being brave to take all this risk.

Wow. I'm a CERTIFIED CHIKADORA today. haha. I always watched "the BUZZ." hmm. and for the Ylmaz-Ruffa issue. I have NO comment.=)

And Again. Greece is killing me. Need to go home. Which is in bed.=). I kinda feel at home when I'm asleep. So? g2g.

'.'i now HATE it'.'

This Hekasi Project about Greece is killing me! Good thing, i'm surviving. But, I don't think I'll last long.. HELP!!

Projects, projects, projects. I've made a lot of it. But this is unusual. Much different than those I have encountered. Making a presentation about Greece is the hardest project I have ever made! Actually, the "dinosaur replica" was the hardest project, and it cost us 3,000, i think, but that was a Group Project. So, this Greece thingy is the hardest individual project I have EVER made!

Exam's coming. I want to stop the time. Even for only a short time, to review my notes. Well, I have been befriending my notebooks for a couple of times, but because of this damn project, I have to set aside my priorities to my other subjects. It is kinda unfair. But I think they'll understand. After all, if this would be finish immediately, then I can have a lot of time bonding with pencils and books.

I'm craving for ice cream today. It feels hot here in our place. After a long day without the appearance of Mr. Sun, it feels like i certainly missed it. and it's cool to have ice cream under it. I want to go to our Plaza today, but I changed my mind. Because I don't have companions. So I was left here in our house. My Lola cancelled my dental check-up. After a few hours, I'm bored to death. So I listen to hip music. I made my own dance! I also look for costumes. Then I saw something in the other room's closet, which was a punk-type, sexy-casual dress. It was black, and i think it was used in ballroom dances. Hmmm..maybe my mom attended ballroom lessons when she was a child. 'Coz there are a lot of clothes like that in her wardrobe. Or she's just collecting it? What do you think?

I wanted to take pictures, but I forgot I don't have my cam. It was broken few months ago. aww. Then I live this day with the T.V. I watched a lot. 'Coz tomorrow will be Study Day. I don't love studying. But I really like reading. And i'm looking forward for tomorrow. Hurray for it.

Him. Him again. I think of him. Yet I don't think he's doing the same. He was looking to that other girl, while I am already here. He confuses me, my mind. I don't know if i'll continue to like him, after what he'd done. I'll just suffer, AGAIN. And I'm tired of suffering. You're not worthy to be love. But, even though how hard I try to be mad at you, how hard I try not to look at you, how hard I try not to love you, I can't. And I don't know why.

"Even though how hard I try to fight these emotions, as long as you are there, saying false things, and I am there, believing every single thing you said, then it is confirmed:

..i'll feel this way for YOU until i DIE.."

.just my imagination.

.i thought he like me.i thought he loves me.i thought he is the one for me.but it turned out, that this thoughts, will remain just thoughts.thoughts that will never come up to reality.it's just pure imagination,but i am too stupid to think it was real.

.i expected too much.you said "sweet words".words that would just come out in a person who has deep feelings for a girl.you said you love me, and i also said i LOVE you.but is it just like that? i want more than it. i want actions, not just words. actions that are visible to one's eye.is it that difficult to do?why are you so "MANHID" to see it? I LOVE YOU.

.my day started well, but you ruined it.i was too happy about last night's issue, that i forgot not to expect so much.you were the cause of these tears.you've hurt me.yet i don't have the guts to be mad at you.and it feels like i have been cheated by myself.

.tears are rolling down my cheeks as i stared at the dazzling rain.i never felt this way before.and i don't like to feel this way.you are killing me softly, silently, without you knowing it.i don't want to expect anymore.i'm tired of expecting things, things that won't really come into reality.you make me feel unworthy, and i never heard apologies coming from your mouth.and i just can't understand why you make me feel this way.

.you said you love me.but if you love me, would you do these things?you have to stand your word.you have to think of the people surrounding you,not just you.

".i won't expect anymore.loving you is the biggest tragedy of my life."

*everybody makes mistakes...

.i almost turned to a tomato this day.i laughed the whole day, and i got stomach ache after that.

.we planned to go 9 am in school.but as usual, i turned late.it was 10:30 when i arrived.Kris was telling jokes again.corny jokes to be exact.he was making me laugh.and also Francis played so many prank.and i made a lot of mistakes.here,may i tell you.

.we were walking down the corridors when i saw the A.M standing at the side praying their after-recess prayer.i told francis "wag tayo dumaan jan, nag-rorosary sila.." then he laugh at me. it took me few minutes to analyze why he is laughing. and he told me that "everybody makes mistakes." *it was a famous quote in PM.

.he again asked me what animal starts with letter "N".i thought i heard "L", so i said Lion.he laughed again.i was sooper bingi, he told me.

.also, i blushed so hard reminiscing the times when i was in grade 4.hihihi.i had a crush then, and he just told me NOW that he also had a crush on me that time.what-a-coincidence.hehe.

.and Mara told me that her classmates saw our group picture (pat,francis,me,hannah,aa,mariah).and they told her that i was pretty.i think she's trying to play a prank.i don't really believe her.but it makes me flattered.ahem.

.and it's AJ's birthday today.we had ice cream.oohh.nice.it was their family business.i loved it.we also took pictures.uhuh!and Ms. Vicky told us about the PhilSci entrance exam.there were 20 of us.i feel excited.yippee.'can't wait.

.i'm feeling something for this guy.but i don't know if i'm sure in this.he's making some actions.and it is clear actions.that is what i'm asking for.and thank God, he gave me it.

"i'm loving you.and i want yo to know that.;)